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I had a one thousand dollar illegal abortion when I was nineteen, paid for by my older lover. Ten one hundred dollar bills in an envelope all facing in the same direction,  ten tight-lipped Ben Franklins staring out at me. I handed them over to the woman who picked me up at the Newark New Jersey airport and … Continue reading heart on fire

I've been exhausted for the past few weeks. Bone-deep wake up in the morning ready to go back to bed exhausted. My heart is heavy from the losses of the world. There's a wet blanket on my shoulders, pulling me down, down into a black hole where all I want is rest, solitude, snacks. No phones, no … Continue reading Coyote Medicine

February 14, 1987, Richard and I had been married for six months and we were fighting. All the time. None of our rough edges had been rubbed smooth as they would come to be over time, the slow drip of water wearing down the need we each had to be right.  He was opinionated and stubborn. I was insecure … Continue reading The History of Love

I've been dreaming of beaches lately, all the beaches of my childhood and young adulthood. Each night I travel to a place where I was young, younger, and sit beside myself as I watch the tides, and grieve for the losses of that time. The death of my father as a twelve years old; the end of my first … Continue reading it’s all grace

I lost an earring the other day. Handmade by a Zuni silversmith out of old turquoise and silver, I bought the pair in Sedona, in 1986, when my husband and I were courting. When I noticed it was gone, I retraced my steps, and then retraced them again. And again. I woke in the middle of the night grieving my lost … Continue reading Lost and Found